Animal propositions

Look, the way I see it is that animals are the most lovable and affectionate creatures on the face of the globe. Even a ferocious animal, providing they're not hungry. If a crocodile has just had lunch, he wouldn't bother a tourist in a hundred years. Only most people are afraid of crocodiles, even a well fed crocodile. I never fear any kind of animal. In fact, I'm crazy about them. I wouldn't even swat a fly for a whole barrel of gold. One time about 15 years ago I was so broke I didn’t even own a car. But my man Corey, who happened to be just about as broke as me had access to a car, and now he and me both were on the lookout for some serious action to replenish our assets. Now this day we’re in Du Quoin at the St.Rafael Hotel and we hear about some real action in Lexington, Kentucky, which is maybe 300 miles away. We never neglected any section of the country as long as the back-room economy was in a fluid state. It was in the summertime and this car was loaded with a a zillion mosquitoes. But they didn't even bite us once. 

Animals surpass humans on all counts. They not only never talk back, but animals appreciate beauty and kindness and affection that most humans wouldn't understand to start with. And when talking about ze fear: the best way to tell if a person has a deadly dose of it, is to watch them around animals. Why, a human being should be the most fabulous creature of all, which is the way all them jokers upstairs intended it when they put this show on he road to to start with. But what happens is one human gets to plotting with another human and maybe another and another and after awhile they all all decide to be generals. So right away they all form a combine to get a lock on all the mooches and suckers and that kind of action touches off all the war jolts from here to Zanzibar. That's human endeavor for you.

I remember one time in Chicago I won a zillion on this animal proposition. There was this fabulous looking lady working with this circus. Oh, she was fantastic! Elegant beyond compare. And she had two lion cubs, the most beautiful baby lions you ever saw and she carried them around in her arms on account of she was training them at the time. You see, she didn't want the animals to have a deadly fear of people and start snapping at the suckers so she was giving 'em all the love and affection she had. But when the mooches saw her coming down the street with the baby lions they would all run for cover. I told them there was nothing to fear, so one mooch cracks wise and says he will wager any amount I wouldn't walk up and pet the lions. Now, I not only went up and caressed those harmless little kittens and won all the cash, but I ended up with the doll as well. Every day me and the gorgeous broad would go walking down to this art institute on Michigan Avenue right in downtown Chicago, so the tourists could get our picture. We had 'em on leashes just like they were poodles, and when the mooches saw me and my date strolling with the kittens, they would start running and running and they wouldn't stop until they were clear across the border into Canada. The fine lady kept the two cubs until they were too big to have around, but by that time they were completely trained and as playful as canaries. So she took off. She went in one direction and I went the opposite.

It's a pity my man Corey never met this doll and her kittens. He still suffers from economic anemia from time to time and to this day he's the most fearless human I've yet to come across. But shit like that never bothers him.